The Lonely Chapter: What It Really Takes to Change Your Life
Purgatory: Life Between Two Worlds
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I felt like I needed to document what I’m currently feeling. It’s not easy to write this, but I think it’s needed.
I wanted to capture this moment because change usually happens, and I’m not going to feel this way anymore. I’ll be an entirely different person by the time you read this - whenever this finds you.
This is about the lonely chapter.
Between Two Worlds
Maybe you’ve heard of this concept before. I first came across it from Alex Hormozi. He talks about the lonely chapter - that gap where you’re stuck in a spot where you can’t relate to the people you’re currently with, but you’re not successful enough to relate to the people you want to be around.
But it’s never really about relation. It’s about the transformation required to get to that level.
You’re trying to change your life. You’ve listened to insightful content. You’ve found the right people. And finally, you want to change your life trajectory. You know you need to make a change.
Now listen, let me be clear - not everyone has this issue. Some people’s lives are just okay. They don’t have the irregular goals that people like myself do. Financial freedom isn’t even on their radar. They’re relatively content, or they have a different set of problems altogether. And that’s probably the minority.
I’m talking to those who are thinking like me. Those who didn’t have anything handed to them. Nothing on a silver platter. You have to go out there and do something with your life.
What My Days Actually Look Like
You look at the traits you currently have and the traits you need to have, and you realize the gap is really, really far.
It feels lonely when you start making those changes. The friends you’re currently with can’t relate to you anymore. You can’t relate to them because you’re growing so fast.
I’m not saying this is applicable to everyone - you might be surrounded by driven people. But if you’re in an environment where that kind of change isn’t encouraged, you’ll face this isolation.
I’m in it right now.
Here’s what my day actually looks like:
I stay indoors. I learn. I work. And my way of having fun is mainly just watching movies. That’s it. I don’t go out.
And in real time, I’m beginning to see that I’m losing my social skills. I can’t relate to people anymore. It’s getting difficult.
Now, I am not saying everyone in this phase is living this way or that this is the benchmark. I’m simply just sharing my perspective.
And I look at it and think, I don’t think I’m living a normal life. This is not a normal life. A normal person should have friends to visit, places to go during the weekends.
I’m taking this too seriously. Or maybe I’m just full of myself, who knows?
Front-Loading The Work
There are two ways to live your twenties: you can live your twenties, or you can work your twenties. It’s up to you. We all have our own lives. You choose if you want to work and if you want to chill.
But if you’re not coming from a place that’s already okay, you kind of have to front-load the work in your twenties. And it might not be fun.
All you’ll be thinking about is improving your skills, acquiring the traits you need, downloading them into your mind. You have to die repeatedly. And when I mean death, I mean the death of self.
You’ll grow, then have to grow again. And again. And again. Until you’ve earned so many stripes that you’ve become an entirely different person.
This is difficult. Most people cannot do this. Most people don’t even think this way.
The Questions I Ask At 2am
Is this even worth it?
What if I’m wrong about all of this?
What if I spend my twenties like this and it doesn’t work out? What if I look back at 30 and realize I wasted the best years of my life chasing something that was never real?
I can’t shake these thoughts.
There’s no scoreboard. No confirmation that I’m on the right path. Just me, in a room, making decisions I can’t verify. Betting everything on a future I can’t see. Except for the life of those ahead of me.
And here’s what nobody tells you: the doubt doesn’t come once. It comes every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. You wake up and it’s there. You go to sleep and it’s waiting.
The interesting part? You keep going anyway.
The Long Game
You’ll realize that a decade of your life will go by and you’re never going to get it back. And it’s still not guaranteed you’ll reach whatever you’re targeting.
We think we’re going to live to 100, or 80, or 90. But you could literally die in your fifties. Life is just so funny sometimes. Fingers crossed hope we all live long lives but you get my point.
You have to play the long game and put in years of work. You can understand it in theory, but in practice, it’s every single day. You’re just unlocking it. Putting in the work. And it’s not fun.
Most people optimize for the short term because the long term feels impossible. They’re not wrong - it kind of is. But impossible things happen all the time when you refuse to quit.
Be Your Own First Fan
No one is going to root for you because no one knows you yet. No one cares about you yet. And that’s okay.
You have to root for yourself. You have to be the one in the auditorium clapping for yourself. And you’re going to clap for yourself alone. It’s going to be a single clap for years until people begin to catch on.
It takes time for people to catch on to what you’re doing.
I’m at a spot where I have to be my own fan. I have to believe in my potential. No one understands the state of my consciousness. Nobody knows the state of my mind. They don’t know how much progress I’ve actually made.
I know it. I know that I’m getting closer as time goes by. And it’s kind of fun in a way.
You have to be your first fan. And here’s the thing - this season doesn’t last forever. One day you’ll look back and realize you survived something most people can’t even comprehend. You’ll have earned something that can’t be taken away.
But right now? Well, right now you’re in the thick of it.
The Beacon Effect
Eventually, you’ll meet the right people.
I’m at that stage already. I’m meeting people who are going places, who are working on their dreams. It’s kind of fun. They’re way ahead of me, but I’m connecting with them.
There are more people I’m yet to meet. And the only thing between me and them is my current level of success and my current self. I have to put in a lot of work to get there. You can’t sit at that table unless you put points on the board. You have to earn your stripes. You have to put in a lot of work.
A lot of people I look up to afar off - I really do want to meet them someday. But that comes at a certain level of success. And I can’t get there by being the person I currently am.
The lonely chapter is creating the person who gets to have those conversations.
The Uncomfortable Truth
As I alluded earlier, the funny thing about all this is that you don’t even know if it’s going to work out.
It’s lonely. It’s not easy. But it can definitely be worth it - so long as you know what you’re suffering for.
There are a lot of things I’d love to do. I’d love to go on a date sometimes, fingers crossed. Sometimes I feel like I actually need to. I’m having these feelings like, “Ah, I’m actually growing older, man. I need to do these things.” I’m not thinking about marriage per se. But just having someone by my side. A ride or die. Make a lot of difference which means you’ll not be cheering yourself alone.
Personally, I’m really bullish on just enjoying life. Making strong connections with friends. Having a close, tight-knit circle of people who just want to enjoy life together. Having experiences that are worth it. Because life isn’t going to last forever.
Imagine being with your close ones, traveling all over the world, going to places you want to go. And being able to afford that kind of life because you put in the work when you were much younger.
That’s the bet. That’s what makes all the effort worth it.
No One Is Coming to Save You
This message isn’t directed at any specific gender - it’s for the driven. I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, y’all need to lock in. To be honest, guys have it harder in some ways because no one is going to propose to you or offer you a safety net, so you have nothing to fall back on. If that doesn’t wake you up, I don’t know what will.
You might as well put in the work now.
The reason why it’s best in your twenties is because you probably don’t have any responsibilities yet. At least most people really don’t have that much. People don’t understand what responsibility is until they have it. You don’t know what it’s like to have them.
So suffer now. Suffer now while you still can.
But know what you’re choosing. Know what you’re sacrificing. Because years from now, you’ll either be grateful you did this, or you’ll wonder what could have been if you had.
I just wanted to document what I’m currently feeling. The thoughts I’m having. I wanted to let you know.
If you’re in the lonely chapter too, you’re not alone in being alone.
Thanks for reading.
All in a day’s work.
— Cincade
This feeling is very relatable, Cinde. “What if I spend my twenties like this and it doesn’t work out? What if I look back at 30 and realize I wasted the best years of my life chasing something that was never real?” I ask myself similar questions and on some days the thought can be crippling.🤧But I’m learning to pacify myself while I keep my eye on the goal post.